“The E-Mail”

At work today I get a phone call from my mother. And she is crying. Because she is laughing so hard. Apparently she has saved an email I sent to Tim shortly after we were married because she thought it was just that funny. She was so overjoyed with this email that I had to post it.

Several things you need to know:
1) Tim took my precious Miata for out of state business and left me with his old Bronco – I was already not happy with the situation but my car was better for gas mileage.
2) I was very upset in this email – so I was not laughing at all when I wrote it (even though others apparently were)

Now, on to the email….

I am not happy. Your car moves all over the stupid road. Not to mention it’s huge and I fell OUT of it at work!!! You need freaking steps!!!!! Your next truck will have side steps unless you want to buy me 2 cars so I can use my own backup for work….at the moment I could care less about your stupid “ground clearance”. Arggggg!!!!!!!!! My foot can’t reach the pedal as well as I’d like, so it shakes – like when you hold your hand out and can’t control it – yes, just like that. My boobs were all over the place and I already had to pee and it made it worse – could you have possibly picked a bumpier car???? This is insane! Also, I’m going to need you to put more gas in it. That is not going to last me through the week. It’s somewhere around ¼ tank now. Apparently we do drive different from each other – and that is not asking for a lecture – do I sound like I’m in the mood?? And so much for corners – I had to go like 1 mile an hour just to stay in my lane!!! How frustrating is that!?!?! I like small cars. I can’t find anything in your car. Last night when I took your CD cover off, I took the ‘case’ you gave me – that was MY case! Well, I couldn’t reach yours so I just had to set it in there, carefully of course, don’t worry. I don’t know how you like that – or why anyone would – it’s rough and bumpy and your steering wheel really needs to be tightened. Seriously. It’s not normal for me to be able to jiggle it back and forth and still go in a straight line – you should be thankful your alignment is good! Also, I thought I should mention the fact that I am not happy being up high – I sing in my car, and when I sing – I dance – and I make facial expressions that aren’t probably cool unless we’re drunk and doing karaoke. Yeah….up high people are at my level… didn’t realize that until I was b/w hwy 6 & Eldridge….felt sort of retarded by the time I got to work. Your windows are obviously not as tinted as they should be…grrrrr. Yes, yes I am more of a “girly” girl than I thought – but that’s just fine – I’d rather be a girly girl with nice hair and boobs that stay in my bra. I do not feel like a “bada$$” when I drive it – I feel like a bus driver (not something I typically aspire to be)…..Why any girl would want a truck is totally beyond me! You know, instead of a truck, why don’t you get a Mountaineer or Navigator – if you have to have something big – get something that is smooth at least – with lots of buttons and features and a freaking SIDE STEP! I’m not 6 foot tall like all of you – I’m freaking 5’2″! That’s a tad bit of a difference don’t you think? You can get a good deal on a Mountaineer. I will look one up for you. You can get black if you want – to make it more ‘manly’. NO MORE BUMPY CARS!!!!!!! I miss my car. And I don’t think its fair you get to keep it since you make fun of it for not being ‘practical’ (despite the fact that its fast, it is owned by someone with only herself to drive around and no kids, gets great gas mileage, etc…). Well, Well, you know what – I don’t think it’s very practical to have something that ‘eats gas’, feels like a d*amn rollercoaster ride, and is not safe for shorter people….not to mention the window thing. I had the hardest time at work today b/c I was so distracted by the button that I couldn’t find my keycard!

Other than that, my morning has been okay. I hope you had a safe and pleasant ride into work – I’m sure you did… hmph!

Call me later. Love you.

P.S. I am wearing high heels, so my fall was not pretty – I thought I broke my heel! Nor was it graceful – so much for me being a dancer! If I had broken my heel, you really would not have wanted to see me today… and no, I did not “eat it”, I caught myself on the car next to me – thankfully no one was in it. I am apparently not one of those “truck” girls like Rachel. It reminds me of a big oaf. I am not a “big oaf” person either.

P.P.S. – If you happen to think this is funny or that I’m being ‘cute’, just know this – if you saw me driving it, you’d probably freak out considering how anal you are.


  1. HAHAHA I know excactly how you felt that day. (Notice the Bronco in our driveway) I hate that vehicle! I don’t think we can pay someone to take that truck! It did the same thing though…shake when you get over 50 mph, can’t reach the pedals, and not to mention how loose the steering wheel is.
    Too funny!

  2. My hubs used to have a F250 Diesel that I always felt like a complete idiot driving!

  3. Anonymous says:

    HAHAHA that email puts me in a good mood!!!

  4. How funny..I am trying to imagine you typing this at the time! Its so true though..I hate big trucks too! Thanks for the laugh!

  5. HAHAHA – I love this email – I actually have it saved on my computer too!! hahaha

    And you got your Black Mountaineer! haha

    were you calling me a ‘big oaf’ person?? haha

  6. Glad you got your Mountaineer!

  7. LMAO Stephanie! LMAO!!!!

  8. OH now that is all sorts of funny. And kudos to your Mom for keeping that gem! Who knew it would make for such fantab blog fodder?


  9. Girl you are a RIOT! Too funny!

  10. This is so funny!

    I just came to visit your blog by way of someone else, I don’t know who, it’s kinda like a maze of jumping around from one to another.

    Keeps things interesting! I’ll be back!

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