Southern Girl: Confirmed!

First, let me preface this post by saying that I was born, raised and currently reside in the South. I have never lived in a climate in which I have not been able to swim in a pool for at least 7-8 months out of the year. I have never known winter to last more than 2-3 months. And I have only known snow from movies and pictures.

So what happens when you take the Texas Girl to the snowy mountains? Well, let’s just say I was definitely made more for the beach scene.

Don’t get me wrong, snow can be very pretty. At Christmas. In Winter. In a Charles Dickens novel.

It’s March. It’s Spring Break week. And Luke Bryan was having a concert on the beach in Florida.

…..

<sorry, was daydreaming for a minute there>

So as I’m off with my husband’s family spending Spring Break in Colorado (by the way, my family was at the beach – totally not kidding y’all), I quickly was reminded of a few reasons for my aversion to the snow and cold weather in general. I made sure to jot them down so I can share my wealth of knowledge with you all. You’re welcome.

1)      Our faces are nice and tan. Annnnnnd, that’s it. That’s right. I feel a little mismatched. I mean it’s not normal to have a tan face and not have the sun kissed body to go with it. If my face is going to be tan it’s only fair that the rest of me be tan too. It’s just the strangest thing. At least my shoulders or chest should be tan right?! Nope. Just my face. Sexy.

2)      Let’s talk layers. OMG!! Do you have any idea how much you have to put on to just go outside?! Socks, underclothes/thermals, ski pants, heavy winter coat, hat, boots…. It’s so much I’m sure I’m forgetting some necessary article of clothing. And after all those clothes, it’s dang hard to move – I feel like an abominable snowman in all that gear. I literally cannot move! And if you’re a parent, you have to do that not only to yourself, but to little people as well – plan on an hour to get yourself and others appropriately dressed to leave the house – yikes!

Side Note: To be fair, I AM of the mentality that you throw on a maxi dress (maybe a bra IF you must) and BOOM you are ready for a day of – shopping, lunch, beach, park, hanging out, errands, work, happy hour – it literally covers ANY activity you plan on doing. And it takes, what, like all of 10 seconds to be dressed? Yes, please.

3)      I don’t know about you, but when someone mentions off-roading or a 4 x 4, the first thing that comes to mind is driving in a bikini, music blaring, down the beach – in the soft sand if you want to make it extra fun! NEVER did snow enter my mind for 4 x 4 vehicle. And let me tell you, it’s not fun. I drove in it for the first time in my life last week and I was definitely not the carefree chick I was last summer driving on the beach. People are SLIDING! I was convinced the guy in the other vehicle was going to slide into me. In my rent car. No thank you. Nope. Nada. Not for me. Take it back! Take it back! If I want my heart to race, I’ll go for a run, not imagine my death in a snowy tundra.

4)      The fact that I like to breathe after climbing stairs definitely makes me a Southerner. For nearly 5 days I could not climb a few stairs without being out of breath. The altitude really got to me this time and even after the end of 5 days, I was still having difficulty breathing. The day after we got back home I slept until 2:30pm! I think my body was definitely enjoying breathing some nice, soothing, humid air. I mean really, I’ve read that it takes people 6 months or so to acclimate fully to a higher altitude. What?! Yeah, you know what doesn’t take any adjustment? Laying on the beach with a drink in my hand. I can breathe just fine – and the salt air is great for my skin.

5)      Speaking of skin, let’s revisit that for a minute…not only do I look weird with a tan face that doesn’t match the rest of my body, but now I’m peeling too?! What is this nonsense?!? How is this possibly fair – I didn’t even get to go to a pool party or crawfish boil or lay in the sun all day at the beach and I’m peeling?! What trickery is this?? This is just wrong. I am not amused. Not in the slightest. I need some humidity back in my pores ASAP please.

Of course I realize that some people love the mountains and all the snow and the activities up North.

Just like some people like to jump out of a plane.

Or swim with sharks.

Or commit murder.

I’m just simply not that person.

And to answer your question, YES I am currently planning a private, week-long beach vacation for my little family.

No distractions. No interruptions. And the beach all to ourselves.

Yeah, buddy!

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